Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize