does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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