After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
