She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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