She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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