At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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