i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
false alarm, still single
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