Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
