Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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