The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
