I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
