I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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