Tell her she can't have a vagina
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
