Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
