Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
