I have demons in me.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
