Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
