he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
