Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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