You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
