I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
