Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize