it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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