omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
