Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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