It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
being pregnant is like rehab
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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