This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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