508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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