I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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