And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
