I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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