My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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