she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
