U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
