If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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