I just cut my nipple shaving
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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