im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
