I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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