I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
