I'm lost and stupid without you.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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