How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
