somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
