I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Is it because I queefed?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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