I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
