just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
