I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
