i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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