Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
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the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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