Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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