R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
