Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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