my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize