I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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