She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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