the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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