My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just pee around me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize