Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
