my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
