imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
